


If You're Not Gay (Please Be Gay)

by destroyerofhearts



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Love at First Sight, M/M, Meet-Cute, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-09-12 22:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16880139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destroyerofhearts/pseuds/destroyerofhearts
Summary: It had been about 45 minutes now since the two siblings had arrived at the cafe for their monthly catch-up, 38 minutes since they'd placed their order, and 36 minutes since they'd started debating whether the cute barista behind the counter was gay or not.





	If You're Not Gay (Please Be Gay)

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. It's been a while.
> 
> Just something short and sweet to (hopefully) get me back into the swing of writing things. Enjoy :)
> 
> Based on [this tumblr post](http://itsrosabi-az.tumblr.com/post/180856893819/bitchslappeople-homofied-sexynephron).  

"He's gay," Morgana stated firmly after a long pause, watching the server behind the till.

"But how can you know?" Arthur persisted.

It had been about 45 minutes now since the two siblings had arrived at the cafe for their monthly catch-up, 38 minutes since they'd placed their order, and 36 minutes since they'd started debating whether the cute barista behind the counter was gay or not. Arthur thought he was terribly attractive - his eyes, his cheekbones, his build. Morgana had told him to slip him his number, but Arthur wasn't sure he was even gay. That was the problem with the way society ran. Heterosexuality was the norm, and he'd never be able to just ask a guy out without it seeming weird, or disgusting. 

"You asked for my input, saying that his brilliant smile had thrown your gaydar off. And I say he's gay. I have a great gaydar," Morgana sniffed, taking a sip of her coffee.

"You do not."

At that, she raised an eyebrow. "I had you figured out long before you even _knew_ , dear brother."

"That's different. You actually knew me for longer than...half an hour! We don't even know him!"

"Is everything okay here?" A voice cut in. Arthur jumped, and looked up to see it was _him_. The cute server. Oh no. Had he overheard them talking about him? 

"Everything is fine," Morgana replied smoothly, while Arthur just turned red and stuttered. Normally he was smooth, suave, and charming. But today he was a complete mess. As the cute server walked away, Arthur found his eyes running down his body, fixating on that luscious behind...

"Definitely gay! If I wasn't sure before, I am now," Morgana concluded rather loudly, seemingly attracting the attention of the other tables around them. Now was not the time for weird looks.

"For God's sake woman, lower your voice! We can at least try to be subtle," Arthur hissed.

"Arthur, you are anything but subtle. Now, how about you ask him out?"

At that, Arthur's eyes bugged out. "No. No way. He's definitely not gay."

"Coward."

"Am not."

"Are too!"

Arthur was about to dispute it again when an idea formed. A conniving, thrilling plan, where he'd get his answer without the humiliation once and for all. 

"Do you think he's attractive, Morgana?"

She raised an eyebrow at the sudden odd question, but turned to look in the direction of the barista. "Yes, he's attractive."

"You're still single, right?"

"Arthur Pendragon, I am not dating a man for you!"

Arthur rolled his eyes. "Don't be daft. I'm just promoting you from my sister to wing-woman."

Morgana narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"

But instead of telling her his plan, he merely just grabbed her handbag and rifled through it.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

He snatched out an old receipt and then found a pen buried at the bottom of the bag. Handing it back over to Morgana (who looked infuriated now), he started to write a message on it.

_Hey, if you're not gay, my sister thinks you're attractive. Here's her number: xxxxxxxx_

_(and if you are gay, here's mine: xxxxxxxx)_

Satisfied, he sat back in his chair and passed the note to Morgana. She read it, and rolled her eyes. "So if he doesn't call you, I'll be the one out with him on a date instead? I don't actually want to hurt you, Arthur."

"He may not call at all. And, well, I dare say we'd better test the legitimacy of that gaydar of yours, hm?"

At that, Morgana's eyes flashed with determination. "Fine. Go on then, you'd better give him the note after all this."

"I will, when we go to leave."

Morgana sighed, but said no more on the subject. 

Eventually, they had decided they'd had enough of each other's company and got up to exit.

"Off you go, lover boy. Now's your chance," Morgana murmured. The cute barista was at the till serving another customer, so Arthur steeled himself, and waited in line.

"What can I get for you, sir?"

Arthur, without meaning to, found himself blushing under the gaze of the server. Goddamnit. "Er, I'd like a blueberry muffin to go, please."

The cute server just smiled, and Arthur felt his heart melt into a puddle of goo. 

"That's 2.90, when you're ready," the server said, gesturing to the Eftpos machine. Arthur fiddled with his wallet, pulling his card out to pay. 

"Here you go," the cute server said once the transaction had gone through, handing Arthur a paper bag with the muffin. Arthur took in a deep breath and as he took the bag, he held out the note.

"Uh, this is for you," Arthur mumbled, then fled the scene as fast as he could.

 

\---

 

Arthur slumped on his couch at home, watching reruns of Friends. What a fool he'd been. It'd been hours and still there was no message from the cute server. He knew he wasn't gay. He was probably chatting to Morgana now, or worse, he'd thrown the piece of paper away altogether. What a shame, for the coffee had been great, as was the blueberry muffin. Now he could never show his face there ever again!

_BZZZ_

Arthur jumped, then scrambled for his phone. It was a text, from an unknown number. With shaking fingers, he unlocked his phone.

_So im gay._

Arthur barked out a laugh. His heart soared, delighted and victorious. At that moment, another text came through.

_this is Merlin btw, i served u and u gave me ur number?_

Arthur couldn't stop himself from grinning, as he typed a reply.

 

\---

 

Meanwhile, Morgana drank a glass of wine in satisfaction, knowing deep in her heart that she'd been right all along. 

**Author's Note:**

> im not a good proofreader so sorry if there are any mistakes. i wrote this real fast.
> 
> kudos and comments are much loved if you enjoyed :D


End file.
